Mamash Confused

Do Jewish women give the best blowjobs, or do they not give blowjobs at all?

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Shema Arielle,

Arielle, only you can end this. Growing up as an elder millennial, I had no idea what a BJ was when the whole Lewinsky fiasco went down but my mom–totally unprovoked–told me that "Jewish girls don't do that." Literally, until YESTERDAY, thought that the stereotype was that Jewish girls don't give blowjobs. Then, my Jewish friend said that she'd always heard that Jewish girls give the best blowjobs. Which is it?!

Sincerely,

Mamash Confused

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Hey Bubbela, 

I could write a dissertation on the fetishization of Jewish girls and our reputation as blowjobs queens, but the simple answer is that these stereotypes are true, sexist and antisemitic. The Madonna-Whore dichotomy isn’t exclusive to Jewesses—even shiksas get slut-shamed— but the fetishization of Jewish women does have antisemitic undertones. Between you and me, I’m so fine with being eroticized! I earned my reputation as a Jewish BJ Queen, and TBH, blowjobs are a Jewish value. Hello, Queen Esther saved the Jews of Shushan by guzzling down Achashverosh! Every time I give rosh, I feel closer to my ancestors. 

If my answer isn’t satisfactory, I suggest scrolling through this thread on a Phish forum that aims to answer why “Jewish Girls Give Great Head?” Here are some highlights:

Phlowgrow says, “It's because in their mind while they are doing it they are trying to please their father. I know it sounds sick but it's true.”

Sparklydelite says, “The ‘lots of talking’ + the ‘Taking a job seriously’ + we are not raised with all the ‘s** is bad’ stuff the Catholics girls hear… Oh, and when your religion tells you you are a woman at 13, it kind of speeds things along. Signed, A Jewish girl who gives great ones.”

cdeeznutz says, “Answer: jew camp...practice makes perfect.”

DocWatsonSees says, “Because they are always running their mouths, god very strong lips/tongues.”

darkstar2 says, “They gotta make sure they lock up a Jewish husband… Is there a quicker way to a man's heart than giving A+ dome? Jewish girls gotta do something to beat the blond haired shiksas. Signed, Jew who married a Jew.”

TheOrangeVest says, “Ok your typical jewish girl is jappy as f*** right? well in high school when most kids start fooling around, they mostly stay away from the secks cuz they dont wanna get branded as s**** (too concerned about their image) so they learn how to give great head. simple, rly.”

Now take into account that these were all written in, like, 2011. So, maybe times have changed, but have they really? 

Okay, love ya, bubbela! 

Arielle