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I'm Bringing Home a Child-Terrorist Bumble Bee!
Farfour's good-for-nothing replacement is Al-Aqsa TV's least likable nepo baby
After Farfour’s glorious martyrdom, you may have wondered who would replace him as co-host on Tomorrow’s Pioneers, a children’s show broadcasted by Hamas-run Al-Aqsa TV. I mean, Farfour’s iconic character went viral in 2007, which, at that time, was a pretty big deal. This was in the early days of Facebook and Twitter, when smartphones were far and few, Instagram hadn’t been invented yet, and Kanye West was widely respected. Sheikh Farfour’s success left large shoes to fill, and it brings me no pleasure to report that his successor Nahoul, the Giant Bee did a terrible job.
Nahoul is the ultimate nepo baby. He introduces himself as Farfour’s relative who wants to continue in Farfour’s path. So, he’s either just setting expectations through the roof, or is pulling a “Don’t you know who my father is?” Like YES, Nahoul, everybody knows how you “got” this job. The textbook definition of the wrong-for-the-job actor that should be as far away from the camera as possible. The Maria Sofia of Tomorrow’s Pioneers. Put simply, Nahoul is Sheikh Farfour’s completely talentless cousin.
He then completely steals Farfour’s iconic lines, declaring that he will, “continue the path of Islam, heroism, martyrdom…the mujahideen…and take revenge on the enemies of Allah…we will liberate Al-Aqsa from the filth of the criminal Jews who killed my grandfather and killed Farfour.” Nahouli beats his chest and talks a big game, he does nothing for Al Aqsa. If this isn’t toxic masculinity, I don’t know what is.
Speaking of toxic masculinity, Nahoul flashes the audience. Yeah, like, we see his rope?!? He’s not really flying?! What’s next? He’s not even a real bee!? More on that later.
Later on, in what feels like a bootleg mashup of a Teletubbies and Jackass episode–and probably our new protagonist’s most infamous scene–Nahoul takes a trip to the zoo. Innocent enough, you’d think. And you’d be wrong. Nahoul breaks into what he thinks is a lion’s cage, and begins to taunt the animals. “Meow meow,” he squeaks while giggling. “I’m opening the door and going in.” Nahoul openly boasts about criminal trespassing. “I am now standing in the cat’s cage,” he continues. It’s all on tape. My inner lawyer cringes as Nahoul admits to crime after crime.
Luckily for Nahoul, though, this isn’t actually a lion enclosure and only contains small cats. Still, he can’t help himself. Nahoulush notes that the cats are asleep and acknowledges their plight. “The poor, wretched, imprisoned cats. I feel like abusing them. The cat is asleep. I feel like attacking him,” and he attacks the cats. Nahoul, you dumb, sadistic fuck - you’re meant to attack the Jews, not the cats.
When he eventually locates the actual lions, we see him throwing rocks and yelling at the wild animals as they attempt to break free from their cages. Again, not Jews, Nahoul!
Somehow it all gets worse. Nahoul is not only a liar, thief, and cat abuser, he’s also a Negative nancy–a Negative Nahoul, if you will. In a call-in segment, a fan tells the audience that he wants to be a journalist when he grows up only for Nahoul to shit all over his dreams. “Why? So [you] can photograph the Jews killing Farfour [and] little children?” Nahoul, even though you got your gig through obvious unethical means, it is still really unprofessional to act like this in the workplace. I would refer you to human resources but I’m not sure they’re equipped to deal with this. Please head straight to therapy.
Throughout the season, Nahoul sobs constantly. With his head in his hands, he loudly bawls while discussing the liberation of Al Aqsa by “blood, sacrifice, pain…martyrs…and endurance,” which he’s done nothing to advance, unlike Sheikh Farfour, who confronted the (((zionist entity))), refused to surrender Tel-Al-Rabi, and was then violently assassinated by the plundering Jews because of it. What has Nahoul done other than plagiarize his cousin, expose himself to the audience, abuse innocent animals, and whine like a little bitch? Nothing. Even when surrounded by flowers and a banquet, Nahoul is in a foul mood. Surprise surprise! When Saara asks Nahoul to convey greetings, he sobs, asking who he should convey his greetings to. “Who is there for me to greet Saara? I won’t greet anyone, I’m so sad Saara, I won’t even convey greetings to my mother, who suffers from diabetes or to my father who suffers from Hepatitis C.”
Nahoul isn’t even dignified in death. He lays in a bed with a cold compress on his head, his very human parents at his bedside explain that the treatment to his illness is only available in Egypt and he cannot travel. A few minutes later, Nahoul succumbs to his illness. Allegedly.
After Nahoul croaks, Saara is cheerful, proud even! Instead of being upset at Nahoul’s death, Saara applauds, him “Today we say: congratulations. Oh Nahoul, this is your wedding, Nahoul, we don’t see it as your death, Nahoul…” I mean, I can’t blame Saara because his death is no loss. While I’m not entirely sure why this would be his wedding, I am pleased that no woman (or man, who knows?) will ever have to put up with Nahoul’s annoying personality.
Here, the audience is immediately introduced to a Rabbit named Assoud, Nahoul’s brother (so, also Farfour’s cousin), who will take Nahoul’s place as co-host of Tomorrow’s Pionneers. More nepotism—but let’s stay hopeful! Could Assoud will be better than Nahoul? That’s for another article, *wink wink*.
Back to our bee. Five years after Nahoul dies, he appears to rise from the dead. He has a much deeper voice and looks…different. Better, even.
While I’m sure Nahoul would like to think of himself as a messianic figure who was resurrected from the grave, here’s a “fan” theory: Nahoul faked his death, collected life insurance money, and spent the funds on cosmetic surgery.
What’s the new post pubescent Nahoul like? Well, he’s just as dumb as ever. In a 2014 episode, Nahoul is caught in a lie where he pretends to know what the word “negotiation” means. “Mmm, great–how delicious, I eat negotiations twice a day. I put it in my plate…yummy…and I drink…how delicious.” After the host explains to Nahoul that you can not, in fact, eat negotiations, Nahoul is right back to his old self, claiming he is with the resistance, “[finger guns] pew pew pew...but I won’t do it by myself”, openly admitting to being a coward, unlike Farfour who confronted the Zionist monsters alone.
In another episode, Nahoul continues overcompensating, and often incites child guests of the show. Some fun quotes include, “Listen, friend do like this [makes fists] with your hands, and when [Jews] come to you, punch them; make their face red like a tomato” and “Take a stone, and when the Jews come, take it and throw it at them.”
So, what happens to The New and Improved Nahoul™? Well, we don’t really know, but we do know what happened to the man who played him. (Wow, I guess he wasn’t really a bee after all). A 2014 episode filmed immediately after Operation Protective Edge from the now-reduced-to-rubble studio, we learn that Muhammad Alareer, “who put a smile on the faces of children [through]...Nahoul,” had been heroically martyred. Turns out Alareer also played another character: Karkour, the mischievous chicken.
Karkour? Nahoul? If you thought Alareer sounded like a busy man now, wait until you learn about his other job. Chicken by day, Bumble bee another day, and Hamas fighter by night. Yep, Alareer was a member of Hamas’ military wing, aka the Al-Quassam Brigade. His impressive resume dates back to at least 2008, where he “participated [in] the battle of Al furqan.” He is remembered by Hamas as a mujahid of the “zionist combat[ants]” and by his brother as a loving and warm father.
Nahoul (the character) has not been seen since his underwhelming comeback, and frankly, I wouldn’t mind if I never saw him again, given that his mere existence is enough to make me reevaluate whether we should really save the bees. Nahoul teaches us a terrible lesson: you can be as terrible a person (or bee) as you want and you will suffer zero consequences. In fact, you may even be brought back from the dead. As long as you have the right family connections, of course.
Thanks for nothing, Nahoul!