Scared Knishless
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Shema Arielle,
I guess this isn’t a Jewish-specific problem, but I’m 21 and still a virgin. It’s not that I’m shy or that I’m not good-looking. Truth is that every time I’m about to have sex, I chicken out.
If I’m in bed with a girl and she starts undoing my belt, I’ll deflect it with kissing or with a joke until she gives up. The first time I did this, I told myself that I would lose the Big V at the next opportunity, but I’m still putting it off…
I don’t think I’m asexual since I do have sexual fantasies. It’s scary to reach that level of intimacy with someone. Is this something everybody feels before their first time or is it just me? Not to give celibacy any more stigma, but I don’t want to end up a schlubby 40-year-old virgin. Will it get easier if I just get over it once?
Sincerely,
Scared Knishless
Hey Bubbela,
To schtup, or not to schtup, that is the question! And now for several more questions:
Are you nervous of sexual intimacy or are you hiding your shmeckle lest it be heckled? If you’re scared that your member might be rejected, let me assure you that almost all the men I’ve slept with wish they were bigger and/or girthier. The important thing is that I made them feel like they had a golden shmock. But I guess that isn’t really helpful for you.
Who do you fantasize about? Women? Men? Both? Do you feel attracted to the women you kiss? You could be on the asexual spectrum and still enjoy kissing and hugging and holding hands and such. Or perhaps you’re not into women at all— maybe you’re queer? Only one way to find out…
Bubbelush, Virginity is a social construct and no one cares what you have or haven’t done with your penis (unless it’s illegal lol). In fact, studies show that teens are having less sex and delaying intimacy more than previous generations. Don’t have schtup just to say that you’ve schtupped. Wait for when it feels right for you and your penis.
As for the women whose sexual advances you’re rejecting… cut that out. Be honest with them about your hesitation. It’ll only make them want to bang you more. It’s normal to feel nervous before your first time. Practice makes perfect, after all! But ultimately, you’re young and there’s no need to rush. Take your time, bubbela.
Love,
Arielle