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The Weekly Jewce: January 21, 2022
UMichigan's knish scandal, the West Elm Caleb saga, Charlie Puth's newest single, and more.
Welcome to the first-ever Weekly Jewce, Jewcy’s one & only newsletter. Here at The Jewce, we aim to give you the most important, most Jewiest news that happened during the week, all in your inbox before Shabbat. Think of it as a cup of Manischewitz (sponsor us?) to pregame your family’s kiddush, one that will arm you with the best and most relevant conversation starters.
The Weekly Jewce is a resurrection of Jewcy’s Daily Jewce, which went on hiatus long before Jewcy did in 2018. And obviously, it’s a nod to our mom, Tablet’s The Scroll (go subscribe immediately because it’s amazing), which will inform you on matters that are a bit more, well, serious.
For the most part, you won’t find geopolitical analysis or political coverage here at The Jewce. But you will find everything from TikTok trends, celebrity news, article recommendations, new music, and whatever is happening that is relevant to young yids today in the pop culture sphere or the big sphere we live on.
So without further delay, let’s delve into this week. Yalla, we have a lot to cover.
⮕ Knish-Gate at UMich: On Saturday, the University of Michigan Board of Regents announced that Mark Schlissel would be fired from his position as university president, immediately appointing an interim president. As their letter details, the board found out about an “inappropriate relationship” the now-ex-president had with a University employee through an anonymous complaint in early December.
The proof of that relationship? All in his University email. “We have released dozens of Dr. Schlissel’s communications that illustrate this inappropriate conduct,” wrote the board, asserting that Schlissel—who is Jewish—used his University email “in a manner inconsistent with the dignity and reputation of the University.” In other words, this is all embarrassing AF.
And it gets worse. “Just for fun,” writes Schlissel in one of the emails, attaching a New Yorker article titled “Sexual Fantasies of Everyday New Yorkers”. The flirtation in the other emails is just as salacious with plans to get stuck in Paris and visit the Taj Mahal.
Best of all, is Schlissel’s attempt to seduce the employee via email with a knish. You heard that right. On October 10, 2019, the then-president received a box of knishes as a gift. His excitement is palpable as he explains what knishes are. And then, when the employee answers confirming they do, in fact, know what a knish is, Dr. Mark Schlissel typed out one of the worst sentences I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading: “I can lure you to visit with the promise of a knish?”
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Was he trying to make a pun on the word ‘kiss’!? I don’t want to know. But I do know is that despite all the judgment I’ve passed while writing this, I could probably be lured by a good knish. Anyway, so much for the University of Michigan’s second Jewish president and his million-dollar salary! Alexa, stream “Knishin’ in the Mission” by The Hip Hop Hoodíos.
⮕ Headlines read like satire after Texas hostage crisis: Objectively the most important story of the week pertained to the terrorist attack at a synagogue in Collevylle, Texas. Some media outlets cleaved the attack from its antisemitic nature after a wrongful statement from the FBI, while others put quotations around “hostages” and threw around the word “apparently.” Because the correlation between synagogue and antisemitism and the congregation’s livestream were, apparently, insufficient evidence? Expected from goyische publications, but then, after the crisis was resolved, The Yeshiva World put out: “Texas Reformed Rabbi Held Hostage Thanks Everyone but Hashem After Incident”. Yikes. My favorite headline was from our friends at The Schmear. But that’s actually satire…
⮕ The West Elm Caleb Saga: For the first time since Ratatouille the Musical, TikTok has united in a cause. And that cause is exposing perpetual love-bomber and ghoster West Elm Caleb, a 6’4” furniture designer (he works at West Elm if you couldn’t guess) who apparently has dated half the girls in New York and sent them the same angsty playlist.
It all started when one TikToker opened up about her experience, and everyone in the comment section seemed to have had the exact. Same. One. Is it time to hold men accountable for being shitty? I hope so, but it might also be time to revisit the costs of public shaming. Cause we could be setting a dangerous precedent.
Either way, the true moral of this story is to stop dating men who went to art school.
⮕ Jewish cover girls: Not one, but two Jewish women made it on the cover of major publications this week with Jenny Slate on the cover of Marie Claire and Alana Haim on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar. And they both look so good. A notable quote from Haim’s interview: “Maybe it’s because I’m Jewish. I’m, like, too scared to get sick.” Hypochondria is ‘in’ now. You heard it here first.
⮕ More non-Jews playing Jews: Jared Leto and Anne Hathaway—who is married to a Jew, but is not Jewish herself—are set to play controversial WeWork couple Adam and Rebekah Neumann, respectively. Oscar Isaac, who apparently is now typecast as Jews, will be playing the canonically Jewish Moon Knight in Marvel’s latest miniseries coming out in March. Although, it’s unclear whether the comic book character’s Jewishness will be erased from the show or not. Classic.
⮕ Gal Gadot claps back at Joss Whedon: Multiple actors, including Gal Gadot, have come forward accusing filmmaker Joss Whedon of abusive behavior on set. Gadot’s accusations included Whedon threatening her career. In response, Whedon alleged the Israeli actress “misunderstood” him since “English is not her first language.” Ew. Gal’s response? “I understood perfectly.”
⮕ Full House stars mourn Bob Saget’s death: After Saget, dubbed America’s (Jewish) Dad, tragically passed away last, celebrities took to social media to eulogize the Full House actor. Jodie Sweetin, posted a loving tribute to her television father, remembering him as a mensch. “In Yiddish it also means someone who is kind and considerate,” she wrote, “Bob was exactly that.” Candace Cameron Bure, another daughter in the Tanner clan, posted a picture of herself wearing a custom-made sweatshirt, which she is now selling, with the words, “Love like Jesus. Hug like Bob Saget.” A little weird considering Saget (Z”L) was proudly Jewish? Probably. Still, 100% of the proceeds are going to Scleroderma Research Foundation. Bob would be happy. (You can buy the sweatshirt at huglikebob.com if you’re so inclined.)
⮕ Charlie Puth releases ‘Light Switch’: The highly-anticipated single from the Jewish pop star dropped Thursday, and so did its music video. Puth has been teasing the song for MONTHS since he ideated the concept in a TikTok back in September, so we’re happy to finally be jamming to the funky bop.
If there’s something you think should be included in The Weekly Jewce, let us (me?) know! Send us tips at firstname.lastname@example.org throughout the week.
And with that, Shabbat Shalom, my Jews. Talk next week.
Isaac de Castro, Editor of Jewcy Magazine